Diary: It’s that time of year…

Christmas is a time for traditions. Which makes it a good excuse for property PRs to trot out some festive staples… and, of course, it is Diary’s solemn duty to pass them on to you, good reader, in need of some cheer after a challenging year. First, did you ever wonder which are the most valuable homes in famous Christmas movies and TV shows? What, not since last year… and the year before that? Well, the market is ever-changing, and Barrows and Forrester has “revealed” that, in 2022, the most high-priced home for the holidays belongs to the “glamorous Edina Monsoon” of Absolutely Fabulous, whose Holland Park property is valued at £3.3m. That dwarfs the trap-filled McCallister family abode in the Chicago suburbs from Home Alone (£1.8m) and Buddy’s dad’s Manhattan apartment in Elf (£1.3m). Meanwhile, this time next year we’ll be millionaires? Not quite yet, Del Boy – but your Peckham flat in Nelson Mandela House is valued at a tidy £423,000. “Lovely jubbly”, as Barrows and Forrester quips. Would any of these houses be worth more if they had a Christmas-themed address? Of course they would! And this year, it falls to Alan Boswell Landlord Building Insurance to compare the property prices of festively-named streets, revealing that the best premiums can be found on roads with Sled (£19,735 above average, nationally), Reindeer (£19,297) and Tinsel (£18,653) on their signs, with the good people of Newcastle willing to go most over the odds to secure them. However, it’s a nightmare on Elf Street. Rooms with a view If fictional physical houses aren’t for you, perhaps similarly imaginary non-physical homes might tickle your fancy. Virtual real estate developer Crypto House Capital has announced the pre-sale of virtual apartments in what it claims is “the metaverse’s first MetaReal residential skyscraper”. Skylum, for so it is called, does have a “physical twin” in Lithuania’s capital, Vilnius, but rather than ease-of-access to such real-world tourist attractions as the Gate of Dawn and the KGB Museum, owning a virtual apartment will offer entry into the two most popular metaverses — Decentraland and The Sandbox — and “all the perks that come with them, including like-minded peers and entertainment”. Best bang for your buck Then again, perhaps you’re reconsidering this whole property thing altogether. Christmas is a time for reflections, after all, and with a new year come fresh opportunities. Well, Alliance Fund, the “end-to-end real estate fund”, has compared the performance of different investment assets over the past year to find which has offered the most annual value growth. Somewhat unsurprisingly, in 2022, the very best of the bunch have been gas and oil, “driven, undeniably, by the ongoing war in Ukraine”. As you may have noticed from your energy bills, natural gas has increased by 62%, the value of Brent crude oil by 23%, and WTI crude oil by 20%. Slightly less well performing, but definitely more fun to have lying around gaining value, are luxury watches and fine wine (both up 16%), with art rising by 13%. Then there is corn, soaring by 12%, again largely down to Ukraine being a major global producer. And after that comes UK property, which, based on capital gain, has increased by 10% in the past year. But, if you are forming grand plans of selling your portfolio and diversifying into art, fancy watches and a few silos of corn, Alliance Fund does note: “However, not only are pound and pence returns seen through property usually larger than luxury items, the performance of the property market is often stronger over the medium to long term. This consistency can offer a safer investment option that is less susceptible to boom and bust patterns experienced by other asset classes.” So maybe stick to what you know after all? Snap, crackle and pop It’s a risky business taking someone to court, as the leasehold owner of a £2.5m apartment in swanky Fitzroy Place, W1, learnt to their cost this week. Naziral Tejani has been left with a £500,000 legal bill after he failed in his claim that his building wakes him up at night with its banging and popping. The noise, according to court documents, comes from the expansion and contraction of the building’s façade, which should usually sound like a soft click – about as loud as the clicking of a button on a mouse. Experts who carried out a site survey registered occasional ticking sounds which, at worst, reached 45 decibels. That may sound a lot, but apparently it is officially categorised as “quiet”. Tell that to Tejani, who claimed that he had been woken up on numerous occasions by a “loud bang”. Dismissing his claim against the freeholder and developer, and ordering to pay their costs of £535,000, judge Veronique Buehrlen KC said she felt that, though this was “genuinely held belief”, he was “vague and sometimes confused”. Lack of sleep will do that. Share your tales from the quirky side of the property industry by e-mailing diary@eg.co.uk Photo by 20th Century Fox/Kobal/Shutterstock (5883418l)