Be your authentic self

This week EG is focussing on LGBT inclusion in the real estate industry. Is enough being done to make everyone feel respected, rewarded and included in an industry that perhaps does not have the best track record on diversity? Over the course of this week, numerous professionals will share their stories, thoughts and advice on LGBT issues in property. Here, Dave Carlos, senior consultant in JLL’s Upstream Sustainability Services business, tells his story. What was it like coming out? It was a good experience in the end, but the process to get there was hard. I had spent half my teenage life lying to myself, the other half lying to everyone else. I came out to myself when I realised I was hurting a girl I was dating, then to everyone else only when it became an impossibility to hide further. I feel I didn’t get the best out of my youth because I spent most so much of my time and energy masking who I really was. Being oneself is what forms true bonds in relationships of all sorts, so all my relationships suffered. Also, all that energy could have been put into my studies, work, life plans, socials etc. Coming out to friends and family was nerve wracking but a good experience – they all said they loved me no matter what; not one person reacted badly. I was lucky. At the time, coming out was the hardest thing I had to do, but I thought it was the only time I had to do it. I was wrong. To this day, I need to come out with every new person I meet. It can still be tricky but for the most part, I’ve seemed to have mastered it. How have attitudes changed (or have they not)? In big cities, I think homophobia is where racism was in the 90s – it is just unacceptable. People are generally loving and accepting where the diversity of people is very visible. Take a look at your tube carriage next time. Everyone is so different, so it is difficult for someone with hateful views to make them known without feeling out of place. Homophobia also seen as something that can ruin you, socially, politically, in business etc. Organisations are addressing diversity and inclusivity, not only as something that is just good to do for society, but as a risk that needs to be managed. In smaller areas, it still exists at various levels because the diversity of people is less visible. I’ve experienced the odd look where people see two men having dinner together, to straight men assuming I’m straight and making homophobic comments, to full blown homophobia, where an owner of a hotel didn’t want a gay couple to stay there. There is still a lot of work to do. What needs to change? There is a lot of work that companies and organisations can still do, so I would encourage LGBT professionals and allies to get involved with their LGBT network. Don’t wait for change to just happen. It takes individuals to think of innovative ideas and volunteers to make it happen. The best way LGBT people can change the world is to come out. People are much less likely to be homophobic, biphobic or transphobic if they personally know someone who is LGBT. What advice would you give to someone worried about coming out in this industry? Coming out at work might seem like a daunting process, but the biggest barrier is most likely to be your own brain. If you are worried about all the “what ifs”, like losing clients, lack of career progression, or team members not liking you, then you probably aren’t in the right company. You need to be in a place that is not only safe for you to be your authentic self but gives you the means to thrive as well. Being your authentic self is so important. If you are spending lots of energy worrying about what people will think about you and covering up who you are, then you aren’t applying yourself 100% to your job. You, your company and the industry suffers. My advice would be to ensure you pick the right work environment to begin with. Then do what straight people would do. The next time it comes up, just put it into conversation. If someone asked me what I did last weekend, I would say “my boyfriend and I went to the cinema”. I wouldn’t go around shaking everyone’s hand saying “Hi I’m gay”; you never hear straight people coming out. Just make it normal and the world will too. What would you like the industry to look like (in terms of diversity) in five or 10 years’ time? The future looks good. We are already seeing a lot of good progress with companies taking action to make our workplaces inclusive. I can actually feel the positive difference at JLL and with our clients. Few companies are also putting in processes in place to ensure a diverse sector by looking at access to the profession in our industry and making them more accessible to all. For instance, we are participating in LGBT graduate recruitment events. This, however, will take some time to see tangible changes but it’s all on the right track.