Everything you wanted to know about levelling up, but were too afraid to ask

Here it is! The moment we’ve all been waiting for! The glorious day has arrived! Really? The war is over? Petrol prices have actually fallen? They’ve invented cheap, clean energy for all? No, no, it’s much better than that! The Levelling Up and Regeneration Bill has finally been put on the legislative timetable. The Age of Rebuilding is upon us!  Oh, right. Levelling up. I’ve heard a lot about that. Listen, I’ve been meaning to ask. I have a kitchen table with a wonky leg… where do I sign up for help? Don’t be silly. You know very well levelling up is the government’s flagship policy. It’s been talking about it for years now. It’s all about boosting productivity, pay, jobs and living standards by growing the private sector, especially in those places where they are lagging. That sounds… Spreading opportunities and improving public services, especially in those places where they are weakest. Restoring a sense of community, local pride and belonging, especially in those places where they have been lost. But how… Empowering local leaders and communities, especially in those places lacking local agency. Have you been pai… It’s about closing the gap between the top performing and other areas in pay, employment opportunities and productivity, and narrowing the gap in healthy life expectancy between local areas so that no matter where you are, your quality of health is the same. Even those ones that don’t ever vote Tory. Are you quite done? Sorry. It’s terribly important. A lot rests on it and it is vital to restore balance. The same could be said about my table.  Then I suggest you look up DIY for Dummies on YouTube and let me get on. This is big stuff! This could be the making of the UK. The opportunities will be huge! But how is it actually going to work? Ah. I hoped if I went on about the benefits for long enough you wouldn’t think to ask that. Let me scour my transcript of the Queen’s Speech for more detail. Take your ti… Done! Right. Erm, actually that was a bit disappointing. I thought there might at least be a nugget on how all those grand ambitions in the levelling up white paper would be achieved. You know – let a hundred new towns blossom, let a score of King’s Crosses… erm… Cross? Well, yes, I am a bit. I mean, it’s nearly on the statute book, so I was hoping things would be a bit clearer. But after this I’m none the wiser.  Maybe there’s someone we could call? Get some minister or other to brief us on all this? Good idea! Who is the minister for housing this week?  Here we go. The website says Stuart Andrew.  Excellent! What are his responsibilities, then? I’m drawing a blank.  Well just tell me what it says on his page, then. Under “responsibilities”. That’s what I mean. It doesn’t say anything. It’s just a blank. Hang on, I’ll try another… Neil O’Brien! Minister for levelling up! Responsibilities include the Levelling Up white paper. But we already had that in February. Ah yes, I remember how useful you said it was during that Zoom call. Yes, I printed it out and used it to raise my laptop to eye level. It’s 400 pages long! But it is less like a policy document, more like my son’s sociology thesis. Kept drivelling on about Jericho and mining. How are we supposed to cover the future of real estate development with this kind of thing as a roadmap? And will you stop looking at YouTube! Sorry, I was just watching that DIY video. It suggests planing a bit off all my other table legs. Actually, wouldn’t levelling down be an easier solution for this other thing too? No, it wouldn’t. London must only ever go up, up, up, and the rest will just have to follow. Now, do something useful, will you? Bring up the video of the Queen’s Speech, maybe I missed some nuance that wasn’t in the transcript…  Yes, I’m sure her majesty will make everything clear. Hang on! That isn’t even the Queen! No, it’s Prince Charles. He’s standing in. You mean the Queen’s Speech wasn’t even read by the Queen? Next you’ll be telling me she didn’t write it either! She never does. And why does he sound like he’s being sarcastic? Oh, actually, I think I might have worked that out myself… See also: Real estate takeaways from the Levelling Up white paper To send feedback, e-mail piers.wehner@eg.co.uk or tweet @PiersWehner or @EGPropertyNews Image © Ben Stansall/AP/Shutterstock